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Blue States Forming Own Country

Since we’re all having so much fun lately here and here, I’m passing on another email I received this morning. I must say, BTW, it’s great to actually get comments on my blog for once! Thank you all!! Hehe.

Disclaimer: This post is for entertainment purposes only. Stop reading now if you’re going to take it personally, or as anything more. Not sure of the author on this one, either…

Dear Red States:

We Blue States have decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country. In case you aren’t aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of the Blue States of America.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, Utah and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.

We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single parents.

Please be aware that the Blue States of America will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, Cal, University of Michigan and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent say that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you believe you are people with higher morals then people from the Blue States.

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7 comments to Blue States Forming Own Country

  • Jen Coon

    You are stirring up trouble! BUT I love it!

  • Kristin Claycomb

    ^^^ Yeah, what she said! ;)

  • GJM

    I must say, that for you to recieve all these false and made up statistics and corny stories, your friends that email you must be extreme far left minded. Which, by the way, doesn’t really say too much about who you pal around with. Oh, wait a minute, your not liberal, I forgot. Kinda like Obama, he denounces all his friends too…. lol. Do you have any friends that have little fictitious stories about conservatives? I’am sure you might get some comments from liberls about that. Don’t take my comments personally Gar it’s all in fun.

  • GBM

    I know, I don’t take it personal :) I’m having a blast with this. I hope everyone feels the same…as we all can agree, it’s an amazing blessing to have the ability to do this freely.

    >> false and made up statistics

    With that statement you must have the accurate stats then, so let’s see them. :),

  • Mike

    Even though this is funny, sadly it would never work.. Both sides need each other to survive.. We already tried separating.. and the Civil war accomplished nothing but lots of dead Americans.

    “…success or failure will be conditioned upon the way in which the average man, the average woman, does his or her duty, first in the ordinary, every-day affairs of life, and next in those great occasional crises which call for the heroic virtues. The average citizen must be a good citizen if our republics are to succeed. The stream will not permanently rise higher than the main source; and the main source of national power and national greatness is found in the average citizenship of the nation. Therefore it behooves us to do our best to see that the standard of the average citizen is kept high; and the average can not be kept high unless the standard of the leaders is very much higher.”
    -Theodore Roosevelt-

  • GBM

    Of course. Hence my disclaimer above ;)

  • GJM

    Sorry Gar, I don’t have the accurate stats or feel the need for the waste of time to bother trying to retrieve them. I just know that those that were quoted wern’t accurate. Unless of course you can show me proof, from a realistic and unbiased sourse, that has been documented and researched for proof of authenticity, that those stats are indeed correct. Otherwise, it’s just another fictitious story with false and made uo statistics………

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